Obedience, Happiness, & Motives

so many thoughts and ambitions- but I suspect they're fleshly- add the confusion of a marriage in question with the drive to succeed, greed for wealth, desire for approval and success, and the tendency toward hypomania, the pattern of changing interests and inconsistent employment- you get a self-examining quasi-genius paralyzed by doubt- stop and start with blogs, careers, and ideas

I also believe and think I would be confirmed in bible study that what I'm called to do as a Christian what God wants us to do is quite different from what I do- that it takes guts and risk and that most of us rationalize not obeying with many excuses- we let the fear that drives capitalism and the personal success doctrine to rule our lives instead of Christ

Ken's path is inspiring- that he took a postoral job in TN making only a few thousand a year and living in gov assisted housing... someone like Medved would argue that someone had to pay for that but when we live in a fallen world, can we expect a government and nation composed mostly of non-Christians and disobedient Christians to have systems in place that fit truly obedient Christians? If a pastor/minister/whatever tells the truth and the church goes under financially, if Christians will only support churches that reinforce their disobedience, then how could a truth-telling minister be prominent and perceived successful in the world's eyes?

as usual, too much to research and think about, everything could be a book, and of course it should all propel me to prominence, riches, success, and a feeling of confident peace in my place in this world- but that's wrong isn't it? my feeling of confidence and peace should be about my place in the next world if I'm truly following Jesus. they hated him and treated him that way and we can expect no better- so if we get better treatment, shouldn't we wonder if we are pleasing the world and not God? If they approve of us, maybe we're hiding our light under a bushel, or however that goes.

even my desire to be honest and study the bible, bring it to light for people, to renew interest in the great preachers of old can seem like just another strategy for me to fulfill those fleshly ambitions for the happiness of this world.