Right with Self, Others, & God

Last night, I was trying to tell my friend Don, the mortgage broker slash theology student, about this great but weird feeling I was having.

You know when you suddenly get the feeling that something good happened earlier in the day, or you got some good news, or you received a gift or bought something cool? Right before you remember what that thing is- that's the feeling I'm talking about.

Then I realized- it wasn't anything in particular... and that was even more thrilling, because the happiness that comes from temporal things is... temporary.

I realized this morning that I had that feeling last night good day because somehow I was just right with the world. I had done everything I was supposed to, all I could, all the days work, not put anything off or avoided anything, make progress on some of the big overwhelming things I have on my plate- had a very balanced day of work, reflection, and a bit of hobby time with my 1980 Ford Bronco Factory Manual.

This kind of serenity, which is beyond happiness because it's independent of circumstances, only comes by living a certain way.

Years ago, I began to confront my fears, selfishness, and dishonesty. I've tried to eliminate them in all the forms I've find over the last decade. I'm still not perfect, but I've changed my perspective and behaviors in a lot of ways to grow this way.

I also made peace with the world- I forgave the people I had hated. I nurtured my younger self. I went and did everything I could to make things right with people I had hurt or stolen from or deceived.

So all of that gives you a piece of serenity, if you keep going that way.

But there's more...

The enemies I vanquished at least for yesterday, who I am becoming better at beating more often, were procrastination and rationalization.

I no longer do things like...

leave mail unopened for weeks or forever

ignore voicemails for days, not calling people back

ignore representatives of large companies (that I want to do business with) that call me

put off doing something I had said I would do that means I have to go out of my way to do it

...because I've found out that I feel better when I deal with these things.

And unconsciously, when I don't deal with them, I feel like a spoiled kid. I don't realize it, but my conscience gets a twinge, world gets a bit darker when I procrastinate

Rationalization works hard to make procrastination possible... often hand in hand with resentment and strongly held convictions. Often, though, they're just poorly masked reincarnations of the same old selfishness, dishonesty, and fear.

The guy who doesn't claim all his income on his taxes, me when I ignore jury duty notices or speed limits, people who avoid other people... they all have prepared their rebuttals for you in case you question why they do these things.

Why? What made them develop such elaborate verbal defenses?

Conscience.

They already know they're doing the wrong thing... otherwise, they wouldn't need a defense. They know they need one- really they're defending themselves against their conscience, which accuses them, and rightly so.

So, want to be truly happy- that is, serene?

Find and undo your rationalizations, stop procrastinating, and face life head-on.

Authentic Believers

I was very inspired by Donald Miller's book Blue Like Jazz

Thank you God that someone is saying the stuff that many Christians are thinking

We're not all black and white. We don't all buy into
WAR, MONEY, SUBURBS, SUVs, etc.

I have been thinking about a ministry I'd like to start- not that I have time- but I thought if I could take the 12 steps to the Church... the 12 steps were William Wilson's elucidation of the principles of the Oxford Group, which was an early 20th century group/movement that was trying to return to 1st century Christianity.

And those principles work really well- in fact, though many 12-step group members may not be Christians, some of them are much more honest and authentic, know their own hearts better, are less self-deluded than some Christians I've met. And when people share with the group, they are honest- the best 12-step examples share with as much honesty and humility as they can.

I've always been an outsider, and no less in Christianity.

So I'm thinking the ministry would be something like "Examine Your Heart", or "Psalm 139" or something.

When you look at the picture of the first believers in Acts 2:42-47, and also Acts 4:32-37, you see a picture of, dare I say, communism. I don't mean communism in the fallen world sense but an ideal sharing of possessions.

It seems to me that Christian "culture" these days misses the Biblical boat because we get too caught up in GREED, ISOLATION, US vs. THEM, etc.

I don't isolate myself to just Christians because I want to influence non-Christians, be a light unto the world.

I am guilty of spending too much time working and plotting my way toward financial self-sufficiency. I believe God is against self-sufficiency... that's one implication of the beatitudes.

And when it comes to dealing with money... our national policies are just as isolationist and greedy- do we deserve more money and opportunities than Mexicans? Than Africans?

We're just too afraid to give up our privileges, too afraid to go labor for men's souls in politically unstable environs.

I'm guilty of all this too- convicted about it- but I bring it up and contemplate it because I want to be what God wants me to be.