Right with Self, Others, & God

Last night, I was trying to tell my friend Don, the mortgage broker slash theology student, about this great but weird feeling I was having.

You know when you suddenly get the feeling that something good happened earlier in the day, or you got some good news, or you received a gift or bought something cool? Right before you remember what that thing is- that's the feeling I'm talking about.

Then I realized- it wasn't anything in particular... and that was even more thrilling, because the happiness that comes from temporal things is... temporary.

I realized this morning that I had that feeling last night good day because somehow I was just right with the world. I had done everything I was supposed to, all I could, all the days work, not put anything off or avoided anything, make progress on some of the big overwhelming things I have on my plate- had a very balanced day of work, reflection, and a bit of hobby time with my 1980 Ford Bronco Factory Manual.

This kind of serenity, which is beyond happiness because it's independent of circumstances, only comes by living a certain way.

Years ago, I began to confront my fears, selfishness, and dishonesty. I've tried to eliminate them in all the forms I've find over the last decade. I'm still not perfect, but I've changed my perspective and behaviors in a lot of ways to grow this way.

I also made peace with the world- I forgave the people I had hated. I nurtured my younger self. I went and did everything I could to make things right with people I had hurt or stolen from or deceived.

So all of that gives you a piece of serenity, if you keep going that way.

But there's more...

The enemies I vanquished at least for yesterday, who I am becoming better at beating more often, were procrastination and rationalization.

I no longer do things like...

leave mail unopened for weeks or forever

ignore voicemails for days, not calling people back

ignore representatives of large companies (that I want to do business with) that call me

put off doing something I had said I would do that means I have to go out of my way to do it

...because I've found out that I feel better when I deal with these things.

And unconsciously, when I don't deal with them, I feel like a spoiled kid. I don't realize it, but my conscience gets a twinge, world gets a bit darker when I procrastinate

Rationalization works hard to make procrastination possible... often hand in hand with resentment and strongly held convictions. Often, though, they're just poorly masked reincarnations of the same old selfishness, dishonesty, and fear.

The guy who doesn't claim all his income on his taxes, me when I ignore jury duty notices or speed limits, people who avoid other people... they all have prepared their rebuttals for you in case you question why they do these things.

Why? What made them develop such elaborate verbal defenses?

Conscience.

They already know they're doing the wrong thing... otherwise, they wouldn't need a defense. They know they need one- really they're defending themselves against their conscience, which accuses them, and rightly so.

So, want to be truly happy- that is, serene?

Find and undo your rationalizations, stop procrastinating, and face life head-on.